Giving Thanks..Day 5

Today, I give thanks for breast milk. I know this may be way TMI, but as a mom of two babies who were both small at birth, one preemie (4 lb) and one full term 5 lb 12 oz, who was down to 5 lb 4 oz by the time we left the hospital), to me it is somewhat of a miracle food.

Both of my boys were tiny when they were born. Both well below average in terms of weight. I did everything right while I was pregnant, I ate well, I went to prenatal checkups, I avoided all the bad stuff, including caffiene, but both boys were born small; one too small and too soon. If my weight gain was any indication of how much they were gaining, both would have been 10 lbers!

So my body on the inside, kinda failed them, as I see it. Neither was really thriving on the inside; Gunner arguably, may have been an 8 pounder, if he stayed in till full term, but that we will never know. However, once they were born, the story changes.

Greyson, born at 5lb 12oz, was over 10 lbs at two months, doubling his birthweight extremely quickly. Gunner, born at 4 lbs, was 8 lbs at two months. The only form of nutrition these boys got was breast milk. Above, is a picture of Gunner at 1 week. Below is a picture of Gunner at 13 weeks.

As an instructor, I know the textbooks say it is the perfect nutrition for babies, but it was my own personal experience that actually proved it to me. I have to share another story, that is not my own, that shows the power of this perfect food for babies:

Jayden was born cocaine and alcohol addicted, with congenital syphilis,at 31 weeks gestation. She had no skin on the palms of her hands orfeet and had to have skin grafts. She was the fourth child to be taken from her mother, and was taken at birth and brought directly to the NICU. The birth mother's parental rights were terminated within 12 weeks, which is very fast in MIchigan. They could find no formula that Jayden could tolerate well, but settled on the one that she had the "least severe reaction to."

When she was about eight weeks old, she was assigned a foster parent, who came to do kangaroo care with her for eight days before she took er home, as Jayden was completely blind and profoundly deaf, and would need to be accustomed to "mom's" smell and touch before they sent her home. When she went home, she was the most critical discharge they have ever had from that NICU, which routinely sees the sickest of babies.

Basically, with tears in their eyes, the nurses sent Jayden home to die. Jayden was insulin dependant (with critically unstable blood sugars, typically either below 60 or above 400), on oxygen 24 hours a day, and set off her apnea monitor 6-10 times a day. In order to set off a monitor, she would have to not breathe for many seconds at a time. She had gained and lost the same three ounces since birth, and was no more than four and a half pounds. Her foster mother asked over and over again of anybody who had authority why this baby couldn't be on breastmilk, shouldn't this baby be on breast milk, what did she have to do to get this baby on breastmilk? Over and over, she was basically told that this was a medicaid baby and that the state wouldn't PAY for banked milk (which costs between 1-2 dollars an ounce, and has been pasteurized) for a MEDICAID baby. Finally, one day, when Jayden was literally activly dying, an infectious disease doctor looked at her foster mom (who is a friend of mine because of foster work and doula work) and said, "I won't tell you NOT to give her breastmilk. We know that it would give her the best chance!" So, we got her some frozen breastmilk.

With her first bottle of human milk, Jayden's blood sugar regulated. She is typically somewhere around 120 now. Within the first three weeks, she regained her sight and hearing. Her new pediatrician says that when somebody is actively dying their brain will shut off all non-essential functions--and hearing and sight are non-essential functions. The first week on breastmilk she started to only set off her apnea monitor during the night's deepest sleep...and only then typically once a night. Within three weeks, they took it off of her completely, because she just didn't set it off any more. THe first week she gained and KEPT ON four ounces. The next week three. The next week SEVEN. Now, she has gained nearly four pounds (eight weeks later). We now have full cooperation with her new pediatrician and the state to give her human milk, no questions asked.

We have tried her on formula again, and on "extra calories" breastmilk boosters several times, to see what would happen should we run out of breastmilk. The baby immediately goes into cirsis again. Formula is NOT okay. She is showing strong allergies to cow's milk proteins, soy proteins, and corn and corn derivitives, which pretty much eliminates every form of artificial milk we have available. This baby was literally dying (the new pediatrician looked at her stats on intake and stood up and hugged foster mom saying, "If you hadn't started this baby on human milk a week ago, she would be dead today--you are a Hero!"), and now has a chance at life.

I am a milk donor at Bronson, where my excess milk helps the babies in the NICU. I am shamelessly a milking cow. I have donated over 1600oz...which is about 12 gallons, including at least 200 oz of preterm milk (milk from the first month after birth of a preemie) which goes only to the micro-preemies, those who are most medically fragile, born shortly after gestational viability. While, this is extremely gratifying, I never see the babies I help, even though I know they are helped, just like my son. However, with little Jayden, I have seen a picture, and I have seen the warm dark eyes that I will be helping. She is going to get some of my excess milk as well.

As I said, this may be TMI for some, but for moms, they get it. Today, I give thanks for breast milk.

Giving Thanks...Day 4

Today, I give thanks for family. Not just in the biological sense, but in the emotional and supportive sense. The people that show up when you need it most. With this definition, I would include family by marriage and close friends. Although, I come from a large family, but we unfortunately are not extraordinarily close.

This summer was quite an eye opener. My situation, call it dramatic or not, was what could be life or death, either for me or my sweet baby. It could have played out much differently and I thank God everyday that I am so blessed that it didn't.

I spent a large part of my summer, 3 months worth, surrounded by 4 walls or 3 and a curtian. I am referencing the 12 weeks of bedrest and NICU time. This could have been a very lonely, stressful and difficult time for me. Thanks to all the visits, phone calls, emails, cards, flowers, and gifts, it wasn't.

My hospital room routinely looked like a greenhouse and smelled even better. Between my bedrest and the birth of Gunner, I think I received over 20 floral arrangements. I honestly think Aunt Sandy had 1-800-flowers on speed dial. Sometimes I would get a new one before the last one had expired. I remember those sunny sunflowers the most, they were sooo cheery, when I was not so much!

Trudging to the NICU day after day, when you know your baby is not coming home, riding the elevator with countless family members and friends who were all there to see the new full term, 8 lb baby, so excited with love and joy was hard. Of course, I would never do it any other way, but it was hard. To have someone to share it with, made it so much easier. That person, who was there, day after day after day, was Mimi. She was there making a 2 hour commute (one way) to Grand Rapids several times a week, she was there daily in Kalamazoo, and she was there everyday with Gunner. Even on a day when her husband had to go to the hospital...well that was the day Gunner arrived on this earth, so hell or high water, it was obvious she would be there.

As I said, friends can be family too. I will never forget what may seem trivial to some, food, brought by a friend. As I was on a gestational diabetic diet, by the end of the haul I had almost totally lost my appetite. I would force myself to eat, I would drink ensure shakes, I would feel full from the prior meal, but still call for more food, even though I couldn't get it down...for the hope of having a bigger small baby. On several occasions, a wonderful friend, Maureen, brought me non-hospital food. Food that actually made me hungry and tasted good. Funny how it was that yummy food made such a difference in my day. As she works downtown she came to see me pretty regularly at lunch. More recently, a friend who we have helped in the past, returned the favor, which is very much appreciated too.

I was surprised how even strangers can be helpful and supportive. People I may not know, but they knew of me and my situation sent me treats and goodies and flowers. All of these gestures were not forgotten.

Today, I give thanks for family.

Giving Thanks....Day 3

Today, I give thanks for my angel baby, Gunner. My last and very special boy. At five months 1 week and 2 days (actual) I already have soooo much invested and soooo much to love.

As I said, five months actual. That means there is an adjusted age too; that age is only 3 months 3 weeks. Yes, he was born seven weeks too soon. His prematurity is honestly a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because I am now a powerful advocate for him and all preemies, it has changed me as a mom and a person, for the better I think. It is a curse for obvious reasons, the 6 weeks of hospital bedrest, the 6 weeks of NICU time, the uncertainty and stress of all of that. However, those "curses" made the blessing, that is him, so much more noticeable. So, as I said, at such a young age, we already have so much invested, which makes us so very very thankful.

Gunner is developing right at about the typical 4 to 4 1/2 month level. He is communicating with us with delightful coos, babbles, giggles and laughs. He studies his hands, eats them quite frequently, manipulates toys and takes his paci in and out of his mouth. I think I have seen him transfer as well. He has amazing head control and core strength. He will pull himself to a 90-degree sit if you recline him on your lap. So for all of his normal level developments, I am ever so thankful. As with a preemie, you have the chance and probability of delays in motor and cognitive development, and he seems to have none, being well within the range of normal.

His size, being a preemie, of course was and is a constant concern. However, my boy is putting his parents and peditrician at ease, with successfully gaining both weight and length, enough to put him in the lower levels of "normal baby" stats, although on the lower levels.

No one ever questions a name after it is given. Before maybe, but after it is associated with a precious baby, so no one ever asks. Gunner was my choice. I chose it one, because it goes good with Greyson, but the meaning is scandanavian, and it means bold warrior. My little bold warrior of the NICU. It gave me peace that I armed him not only with prayers of his family and friends, but a strong name so he could fight for his life when he was sooo small. He is living up to his name.

So, on this day, I give thanks for my sweet baby Gunner.

Gunner laughs

I got it....here is Gunner belly laughing for Daddy. Daddy made Greyson laugh the first time too!

Prematurity Awareness Topic: NICU Feedings

...Fight for Preemies Nov 17th

Full term babies can breast or bottle feed easily within minutes of birth. Preterm babies cannot. NICU feeding is different than feeding a full term baby, yet another complication of prematurity. Most NICU babies get their first feedings thru a tube in their mouth or nose. Not the bonding moment most moms dream of when they picture feeding their newborn the first time.

This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart for two reasons:

I had a sweet baby boy, born 7 weeks too early and a lot the information in this great article of this applies to him and the path he was on only a few months ago.

I am extremely proud to be a human milk donor to our local NICU, so not only my son has benefitted from the gift of breast milk, but other babies whose mom's choose not to or cannot breastfeed as well. I have donated over 1600 oz to date, that in gallons is roughly 12. Considering when my son was released from the NICU he was only taking about 2 1/2 oz. that amount will feed a ton of babies!

The Boston's Children's Hospital explained it quite well on their page:

Nutrition for babies in the NICU:

Feeding babies in the NICU is quite different from feeding healthy babies. When babies are sick or premature, they are often not well enough to breastfeed or take a bottle. Premature babies may not be able to suck effectively, or their gastrointestinal tracts may not be mature enough to digest feedings. Babies who are medically unstable are often unable to take regular feedings. Babies with umbilical catheters and those on mechanical ventilators may not be able to be fed because of the risk of aspiration (breathing food into the lungs).

Intravenous (IV) Fluids and Parenteral Nutrition

Many babies in the NICU receive essential fluids and electrolytes through a tube in a vein called intravenus (IV) fluids. Some babies may need a special preparation called parenteral nutrition, which contains nutrients they need until they are able to take milk feedings.
The contents of IV fluids and perenteral nutrition are carefully calculated for each baby. Calories, protein, fats, and electrolytes including sodium, potassium, chloride, magnesium, and calcium are all important components. Babies need calories, protein, and fats for adequate growth and development. Fluids, electrolytes, and vitamins are necessary for functioning of body systems.

Blood tests help determine how much of each component a baby needs and the amount of each nutrient can be increased or decreased accordingly. Daily weights and keeping track of a baby's urine output also help monitor fluid needs.

Sick babies may not be strong enough to suck effectively. Premature babies may not be physically mature enough to coordinate sucking, swallowing, and breathing, or they may be too weak to suck for long periods of time. Special pacifiers designed for premature babies are sometimes used to teach them how to suck properly before they begin to breastfeed or bottle feed.

A mother's breast milk is the preferred milk for all babies, even the most premature babies. Breast milk contains all the nutrients needed for growth and development. Although commercial milk formulas are designed to be close to breast milk, most are based on cow's milk. The fats in breast milk are more easily digested. Formula is digested more slowly than breast milk and may not be as well tolerated. In addition, breast milk contains antibodies from the mother to help protect babies from infection, something commercial formulas do not have. This protection is especially important when babies are sick or premature and may have higher chances of developing an infection.

Premature babies, especially those younger than 32 to 34 weeks gestation, often cannot be fed from the breast or bottle. Gavage or tube feedings may be needed until the baby learns to suck effectively. For gavage feedings, a small flexible tube is placed into a baby's nostril or mouth and passed down into the stomach. The tube is sometimes removed, but may be left in place if feedings are frequent.

As you can see, Gunner had feeding tubes in two different locations. They started in his mouth and moved to the nostril when he became more interested in breast feeding. He then graduated to bottle feeds. None of this was in the plans, but prematurity changed all that!

Giving Thanks...Day 2

Today, I am thankful for my sweet first born boy. He has been a joy since he was born three years ago. He was my first and he taught me what being a Mommy feels like and it is still my favorite job.

He like Gunner was small when he was born. He also was angelic. He never cried unless he really really needed something. Even in the middle of the night, he would stir and grunt, but never cry. He was such an easy baby I was sure that if we had a second, it would be a handful.

He is three, so he can be quite the handful, but he is a wonderful and smart little boy. I am amazed when I watch him grow and become the little person he is.

Of course, being an only child for three years doesn't lend to taking a back seat to a new baby well. But honestly, he only shows his "jealousy" by being louder or making sure you know he is still there. He loves his little brother and I am so enjoying them becoming friends.

Here are some of the amazing things he can do or has done:


1) He potty trained himself while I was in the hospital this summer, all the while he was shuffling from house to house so Daddy could take care of me.

2) He can count to ten

3) He recognizes shapes and colors

4) His memory is excellent (better than mine at times)

He is definitely a special boy, today, I give thanks for Greyson Luke Young, my first born son.

Giving Thanks...Day 1

I have been challenged to come up with something that I am thankful for each day until Thanksgiving. While there are so many things that I am thankful for and that I feel blessed with, I have to start with what makes the majority of those possible. My husband, my partner, and the love of my life, Brian.

I am so thankful for him, because he is w.hy I made it through this rough summer, he is the reason I have two beautiful children (one who is delightfully cooing right next to me), he is why I am as happy as I am today and everyday.

I wrote earlier today, that this summer's experience, the hospital bedrest and NICU time was actually bittersweet. How could something like that be any part of sweet? Becuase the outpouring of support was so amazing. I felt so loved and am so grateful for it all. But who of course was the moving force behind that? My sweet husband. He called many times a day, he visited regularly, he took care of our little boy at home, and just kept me sane.

He is an amazing father. He plays hard with Greyson even if he just worked a 10 hour day, he wakes him up and makes getting ready to go to school at 6:50am fun, he coos right back at Gunner, and snuggles with him when I have to work late. All of this simply makes my heart melt.

Today, I give thanks for my hubby.